No comparison

Comparing myself to anyone else is dangerous.

I find myself doing it occasionally, even though I know it’s not a good idea, generally unhealthy, and leads me down emotional paths that end in miserable places. It’s difficult to avoid sometimes, especially in the context of relationships or on days when I’m not feeling 100% about myself, my place in the world, and my relationship with God.

Recently I felt insecure and began comparing myself to someone else. I began recounting things I knew about her and comparing myself to her in every possible way, making a list in my head of ways I didn’t quite stack up and wondering if I was “as good” in other ways. I knew she’d once had a relationship with someone I love, and that they’d had a lot in common. Did we have as much in common? Was I as much fun? It didn’t last long–maybe a few minutes–as I sat outside on the porch that morning drinking coffee by myself. Cardinals and chickadees circled around the birdseed and landed on the snowy branches. Other than the sound of my cat crawling toward the birds, I could hear nothing but the noise in my head.

Thankfully, He interrupted my mental checklist of “ways I’m not as good or ways I’m better” and reminded me that we–He and I–have a lot in common. That’s why we’re so close. We both love the world, even people who are broken and imperfect. We both love all the things He’s created and could spend hours just admiring it all together. We want to make everything better and  more beautiful and more whole. We wish we could stop everyone from hurting even if they’re hurting because of the choices they’ve made.

He whispered to me and reminded me that He thinks I’m awesome, priceless, beautiful, and wondrously made. And that I’m special and unique in countless ways. He reminded me of the times He has told me and shown me He loves me that no one else knows about. He told me that I make him laugh all the time.

And there is absolutely nothing I can do and not a person in this entire world who could separate me from Him and His love.

Oh. And He died for me. And came back to life for me.

And nothing compares to that.