Pregnant pleas

I write this as I attempt to eat something which will not induce vomiting.

In case you didn’t read my latest blog post, I’m pregnant.

I’m excited about being a mom.  I was a stepmom for six years and loved it, and I still love my Lizard to death. I’ve worked with kids of all ages and have tons of kids in my extended family. I’m not worried about enjoying being a mom or concerned with some of the things people with little “kid exposure” might worry about.

But I’m going to be honest. So far, being  pregnant is not fun. It’s quite miserable, actually.

I expected it to be, based on what I’d watched my sisters and friends endure, but at the same time, I don’t hear many people giving honest assessments of the down sides to pregnancy. I believe our society encourages us to pretend we’re happier than we’ve ever been before–and quite honestly, I think we keep that cycle going ourselves. I’m not sure why we feel it necessary to sugarcoat the sour side of life. Anyone who knows me knows that I attempt to see the bright side, focus on the positive, and find things to be grateful for in the worst of circumstances. But pretending to be something I’m not is not who I am, and it never will be. While I am ecstatic that James and I are going to be parents together, I’m not ecstatic that I have to go through pregnancy and delivery in order to get to that end result.

I don’t want any pictures taken of my bare stomach. I  know lots of people do it, and that’s fine for them, but it’s not for me. For me, it’s just a little odd. Period.

I appreciate people taking an interest in our lives and in our baby, but I am growing weary of unsolicited advice (one of my top five pet peeves, in case you didn’t already know :).

I don’t feel well. I know pregnancy’s different for everyone, and that this stage may pass, but I feel nauseous about 90% of the time. I’m battling migraines without the few medicines that have ever worked in treating them.

So, friends and family (or anyone out there reading this who might someday encounter a pregnant woman), I implore you to do the following.

a) Let me sleep when I can.

b) Please don’t talk about gross things around me. I normally love gross things. Not right now.

c) Understand that I’m not trying to shirk relationships or responsibilities, but right now I am doing well to function halfway normally, and I have very little energy left for anything else.

d) Practice what I consider to be some of the best advice I’ve ever heard: it’s not your business if it’s past the tip of your nose. Keep this in mind when asking questions and doling out advice.

e) Don’t try to force me to love being pregnant. It’s really and truly just not a delightful experience for everybody.

So far, I’ve figured out that pregnancy is a growing process. A very awkward, painful one. Many times in my life, the process isn’t pleasant, but the outcome exceeds my expectations. I believe that’s how this will be–and I’m looking forward to it.

16 thoughts on “Pregnant pleas

  1. I LOATHE being pregnant.

    I puke and puke and puke and then puke some more. I’m sick until at least 24 weeks (32 or so with the twins). Then, I enjoy that blissful 2 months of fun pregnancy. You know, when you’ve stopped feeling like crap and you’re cute and pregnant. Then you enter the “end zone” of pregnancy where you feel like a beached whale, you can’t get comfortable and you spend an offensive amount of time in the bathroom peeing.

    Indeed, pregnancy is NO FUN for me. (Ironic, isn’t it? Since we have 7 kids.)

    But (and that’s a BIG but), I ADORE the outcome. The sweet smell of a newborn baby’s head, the tender coos and noises a newborn makes and the way a tiny baby fits so perfectly on your chest.

    I love seeing my husband’s big, strong hands gently holding our newest baby and how he gingerly pats a freshly diapered bottom. There are so many things I love about having a newborn.

    However, I’m not going to sugarcoat the newborn phase either. It’s HARD. But I’ve found that most of Motherhood is that way, including pregnancy. Motherhood is the most miraculous and amazing experience coupled with the most terrifying, stressful job you’ve ever had. It’s a beautiful marriage of two extremes.

    Pregnancy is no exception, as you are finding out firsthand.

    I will say though, that time will fade many of your memories those fearful, terrifying and stressful moments. And one day, you may very well look back on these dog days of your pregnancy and wish, albeit for one brief second, you could experience it again. Maybe. Just MAYBE.

    The Bible is clear, children are a BLESSING. Planned or unplanned, (which, several of ours were the latter) they are a blessing just the same. A beautiful gift.

    I’m so excited for you and James to experience this crazy world called parenting. Being a mother has brought me so much closer to the Lord, taught me so much about His character and shown me just how merciful He has been to me. I know you will experience the same.

    Hugs to you friend!

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    • Forgot to add: Try “preggie pops.” I found them at Babies R Us but they sell them on Amazon too, I think. They worked wonders with a couple of my pregnancies but this last one they made me gag. Worth a try!

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    • Thanks, Jess. That was comforting and encouraging to me! We’re definitely excited to be parents and ride the roller coaster :). I fully expected that you’d be one of those people who adored pregnancy so your comment was a surprise! I know you’re a wonderful mom, and I hope I rise to the occasion, too. I’m really looking forward to the parenting part after having been a stepmom for six years and loving it so much. Thanks for your prayers!

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  2. Reminds of something we used to say in the Marines……”If it was easy, then everyone would be doing it! Some of the most precious blessings God gives us, requires the most from us! Hang in there!

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  3. Oh sweet baby, I hope you keep this post and look back on it in about 3 years so you can enjoy it for what it is. It’s gonna take a long time to feel ‘normal’ again so I can’t say to wait until after the pregnancy; hell that’s when my emotions really started to “get good!” And honestly I can’t relate to the vomiting but I tell you what, God really does give you what you can handle because I have an honest phobia of vomit. The tired feeling and headaches plus allergy season, bless your sweet heart. It is rough and there are lots and lots of people who aren’t able to get pregnant or had struggles that write books on how pregnant women should feel and how grateful they should outwardly be, but as you can see, feelings and hormones are variables that are out of your control. What is in your control is your understanding of the miracle that God gave you and you have an inward appreciatation for what you and James have been tasked to do. That’s all that matters, doll face. Hugs and Love!

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    • Thanks Raysha! I think the problem is that too often in our society, and not just with pregnancy, people tend to think you can’t admit how miserable you are in the present moment AND YET still be grateful for the big picture. I believe those two things can coexist because they do for me :). Love you lots!

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  4. I pray for anyone that I know is pregnant. Those of us who can get pregnant do not see how fragile and delicate of a situation it is. We lost our son at 5 months. If you read up on what it takes to get pregnant in the first place and then to carry to term, then you realize what a miracle a baby truly is.

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  5. Preach.

    I’m not even sick…just exhausted and super rude to anyone who dares enter my space. The latter might be due to the unsolicited advice (which at some times, is downright insulting – “Don’t forget to eat vegetables.” OH REALLY?) as well as the snide side comments (“You’re barely pregnant; you can’t use that as an excuse to be tired”).

    I was also told to stop eating bacon, which threw me into such a rant of fury that Vince came very close to needing to sit on me to chill out.

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    • Denise, glad to know I’m not alone in this. I have heard so much advice–no wonder I feel like throwing up all the time :). I know people typically (not always) mean well, but still… I wish I could patent a mouth filter… And yes, I can relate to the insulting nature of comments. I will keep you on my “people to pray for while lying in bed due to exhaustion, nausea, and migraines” list.

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