Standing near the tracks

“Being in a relationship with an alcoholic/addict is like being on a train. You know there’s going to be a train wreck soon. So you have  three choices. You can a) stay on the train, b) stand in front of the train and try to stop it to no avail, or c) get off the train and stand near the tracks.”

A very wise and beloved woman painted this great word picture for me about 2.5 years ago when I was still very much on the train, or sometimes standing in front of it screaming and crying.

Since I was about four years old, I’ve watched drug addiction and alcoholism wreck lives, dreams, and hearts all around me. I’ve watched the addicts and alcoholics I’ve loved hurt people’s feelings, lose jobs, abuse people, end valuable relationships, leave their children . . . break my heart. But worst of all, I’ve watched them kill themselves. Slowly. Painfully.

Who would want to live that kind of life? Who, in his RIGHT MIND, would leave a child unsupervised and allow them to be put in harm’s way? Who, in his RIGHT MIND, would give up the best job he’s ever had? Who, in his RIGHT MIND, would tell me to my face that, yes, Mary Jane matters more to me than you do?

The answer is NO ONE would do those things. No one in his right mind. Only someone with the disease of alcoholism or addiction.

And that crushes my soul.

In the past few years, I’ve watched a few trains wreck around me, derail, and destroy everything around them.

But I’m watching from the tracks now. Or perhaps a wheat field far so far away that I can barely hear the sounds of the crashes. But I’m waving goodbye. And usually with tears streaming down my face. Silently.

3 thoughts on “Standing near the tracks

  1. I also have been on the train, as well as been the train. It’s not easy for either sides, but I am overcoming my addiction because i know it hurts my family, my mom, whom i’d give the world to on a silver platter if i could. But i’ve also seen it reversed, had to leave boyfriends or cut off communication with friends for good. I remember back when i was in ITT i had a friend stop the car we were driving, pull out a bag of cocaine and asked me to hold the book so she could snort it. I was so disturbed by this we never spoke again.
    Anyway, i love this 🙂 and you are so good a describing things i love reading what you post. I need to post on mine soon lol

    Like

  2. This piece was very well written and also an extremely accurate description.

    I too have seen addiction in people I love, and it’s a constant struggle. You want so badly to help the addict, but there is nothing that can be done until that person makes the choice. It’s so incredibly hard to watch someone you love self-destruct. Feeling helpless while your loved one is literally obliterating his or her life is excrutiating.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Like

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